This is not a super structured post, it’s a reflection of something I’m sick of seeing…some of which is saturating the coaching industry. Don’t read if you need coddling.
The culture of more.
What is enough? I’m tired of MORE.
More stuff, more clothes, more meetings, more sales prospects, more cars, more houses, more podcasts, more tv shows, more friends…
What about less stuff, select meetings, quality clients who stay for years because I was able to guide them through big, meaningful changes and life transitions?
What about one car that works really well and gets you where you need to go?
What about one house that is high quality, stable, and has an immediate comfort and serenity when you enter through any door?
What about a handful of podcasts you absolutely cannot wait to listen to?
What about a dozen truly amazing, life-long friends who would literally die for you. Who are the reason “ride or die” is a thing? The friends who have witnessed you change in real time, who believe in your potential, who call you on your sh*t, who don’t back down in helping you see how fu*king amazing you are?
What are the common denominators of this culture of more?
I started to ask this question daily when my business was hanging on by a thread.
It’s not money, it’s not actually freedom either.
You can have a wildly successful business and have no freedom because you are chained to the responsibility—the people you’ve hired, the taxes you must pay, the social media posts you must keep up to maintain a “presence.”
But are you really present if you are seeking MORE and MORE?
I don’t think so.
What is it to have more, but with less?
To me, it’s being present and being willing to flow with life.
Can you be fully present when distracted? The answer is no, if you’re wondering.
Can you flow with constant distractions? Nope. So WHY are we saturating our minds, environments, inboxes, having porches full of packages, buying more and more, signing up for more newsletters, more freebies, adding “friends” you haven’t even spent an hour with?
Why?
It’s because we’re empty.
The danger of seeking more is feeling you have nothing or what you have isn’t good enough. This goes for how you think of yourself as well. So you get good at something then move on to another thing immediately.
What about deepening your knowledge of the first thing? What about seeing yourself as a master of SELF, instead of a master at some skill or subject?
What would happen if we became masters of our presence?
Would we have “more?” Would we feel less inclined to fill voids by buying things, cramming every fu*king audiobook or “quick tip” into our brains to “optimize” the fu*k out of every part of our lives? Sorry but this culture of more is toxic. It’s creating the opposite for us. It’s subtracting from the meaning we can experience, the happiness that so many chase.
It’s a time suck too.
Buy this thing so you can have more time. Have more time so you can consume more. Consume more so you can then be hungry for something else. Is this a natural cycle? YES.
But the way we approach it or accept it, needs to change.
If you are still reading this, there’s something in you that knows that some of my words ring true, for you.
How do we change this culture of more?
For ourselves—because we aren’t in charge of changing it for other people. We can live it and lead by example, but ultimately, it’s YOUR life and you will die with your own thoughts and feelings. In your last breath, will the number of books you’ve read be your last thought? Will the amount of friends on social media be your last thought? Will the number of cars or houses or the number in your bank account be your last thought?
Maybe, but I sure do not want that to be mine.
So take a moment and think…
What would you want your last thought and feeling to be?
I can say my last thought and feelings, I want to be about how I empowered others to live with presence and love. OH I KNOW it’s so hippy dippy to say that, but I don’t give a sh*t. It’s true.
If I work backward from my final thought and feeling, how can I reverse engineer this?
Well here’s how I did that in my decision to become a coach and live a culture of LESS.
If I am to feel love in my last breath, I will have had to give love and done things I loved and been a person that is love.
*Aiming to be loved, is seeking validation from the external, again a desire of seeking more.
How does that relate to the day-to day?
That is where presence and Flow comes in.
I’m a Flow coach, it’s a lifestyle, not a trendy term to apply to TPS reports, Q4 goals, or something to put on your resume.
Flow is not reserved for optimizing your productivity, workflow, habits, or your yoga buzz word.
It’s about presence, which essentially is pure focus.
When you are fully present with someone, you are FOCUSED on them, nothing else seems to matter or even exist when you are present and in Flow. Sometimes you don’t even have an ego in Flow. How cool is that? That means the essence of what you are doing, saying, listening to, or acting upon is not attached to your ego, but is purely about you being alive.
How much more grateful can you be when you are focused on your aliveness?
And further…
If you are grateful for your own life by being present and focusing your energy in Flow, then by default you understand the precious nature of life. If your aliveness is this important, enough for all your focus, then other people can become elements of this giant composition called LIFE.
Ok so let’s get back to the reverse engineering part.
If I want to feel good, be fully present, and be able to get into Flow, having more and more and more and more becomes a distraction.
Why?
- Because with “more” comes options
- Options require choices
- With more choices, the more possibilities can be examined and analyzed
…and the brain really likes to try to predict things.
Decision fatigue. It’s a thing, a big thing in our modern world. Options are wonderful, choices are awesome, but too many….becomes tiring. This is what the culture of more contributes to.
Yes, it’s a beautiful thing to live in a world with infinite choices, millions of options, thousands of podcasts, hundreds of friends, dozens of years, and…then to be alive and have freedom about how to move about in the world.
So, why are we chronically working?
Why are we overachieving and burning out?
Why are all-nighters and working overtime prideful badges for some people?
Why is there the ever imposing idea that we want – more?
Well, because life is about experience and experience requires presence.
Stay with me…
If you can get into a Flow state and be selective about what you focus on (giving your presence) then YOU WILL HAVE MORE !
Maybe it won’t be more money. Maybe it won’t be more stuff, more material riches. Maybe it won’t be more popularity or clout.
But learning to get into flow and be fully present with a selective focus and ability to filter out what feels like noise, will give you more meaning and fulfillment in life.
That is why I teach and coach in the field of Flow science.
Less noise, more meaning and fulfillment. More presence and being fully alive.
So what does this all mean?
It means that more isn’t bad, but if it becomes a trap to keep you in a consuming cycle, then it’s time to change.
Think about like this: in your last breath, your thoughts and feelings…what do you want them to be?
Now think about this tonight when you lie down to bed.
Think of it as if you knew your life would end.
- What would you do differently in the morning?
- How would your focus be?
- What would you say NO to? What would you say YES to?
- Who would you spend your time with?
- How much time would you spend buying and consuming?
For me, it would be spending the day in Flow, with people I love, doing things I enjoy.
Pretty simple huh?
So, what makes today different than this hypothetical day?
Actually nothing makes it different. Your perception of time and how much you have is what makes you think that one is hypothetical and one is not. Ask anyone who has lost someone suddenly, been in terrible accidents, and even come back to life and they describe those losses and events as a “wake up call.”
So I encourage you to do 1 thing today: Wake up to what reallty matters to you by choosing quality over quantity and presence over distraction.
If you’re interested in learning how to become deeply focused and present in your everyday life so you can experience your dreams in real-time, book a free call with me or check out my coaching services.
Everyday, life is calling us to be present. Will you answer?
